While s*x is highly physical for men, and very important in relationships expecially marriages, the more mature a man becomes, the more there seems to be to his s*xual story.
Below are 4 + 1 major reasons why your man may not be “bedmatically” active the way he used to,
1. He is embarrassed about a health issue: Maybe his mind is telling him YES, but it’s possible things like erectile dysfunction, prostate cancer or depression, might have his body telling him NO.
Now I’m not saying that his pride and his unwillingness to get help is an excuse; but I am saying this might be a key reason and you should work together to make sure everything is functioning properly. I’ve actually known a wife or two to just go ahead and set the appointment and then tell him to show up!
2. He isn’t attracted to you anymore: Okay I know this will be the controversial point that can be taken the wrong way, but nevertheless it’s a reality. YES, I know he should “love you for who you are” and that maybe you gained some weight or had some health issues or any number of things; but it doesn’t take away from the fact that maybe he has lost some of the attraction he had for you.
It could also be that the tension between the two of you emotionally or mentally has caused some divide, and it’s become harder for him to want to be intimate with you.
The question becomes whether your relationship is strong enough to survive this reality or whether you are even able to have this conversation openly and without defensiveness.
Could he really tell you this and offer some solutions without getting punished in other areas or without being met with passive aggression?
What if the conversation started something like this: “Babe, I love you and I am committed to you and our marriage, and I want us to work on being more s*xual again. One thing that is causing a little bit of a barrier is the fact that you’ve continued to put on weight and it’s a little unattractive for me. Now I still want to be intimate with you as my wife, but could we work together on a plan to each become a little more physically fit so we can both desire each other more?”
Okay, I know that sounds good, but most men don’t think such a conversation will go over well or at least without the response being nothing short of all hell breaking loose.
“Well if you would just……..then I wouldn’t look like this; oh and look at you, you aren’t necessarily as sexy as you used to be either.”
Is your relationship strong enough to address the deep issues that you may consider shallow??
3. He’s lost his confidence: For many men, s*x is all about confidence. If we feel like we are satisfying you then we will want to keep doing it. On the flipside, if we sense s*x with us is just another task for you, or if you are not engaged and come across as more worried about us finishing so that you can get to choir practice, then, sometimes our confidence goes out the window.
Ladies, I know you think that for us it is all about an climax but trust me when I tell you a man wants to satisfy his wife. Fellas, if your confidence is wavering, are you willing to have that vulnerable and open conversation about why that’s so? Are you willing to let your wife know what’s going on instead of just becoming distant or seeking other women to satisfy that confidence boost? Hmmmm.
4. He has made it less of a priority: Just like anything in a relationship or in life, what you focus on is what will grow. If you both get too busy for one another for an extended amount of time, it becomes difficult to just turn on the intimacy switch.
Maybe you became engulfed with work and the kids. Maybe he has made his new project or organization a huge priority. In the midst of all of this, the shift in energy caused some emotional division.
Nevertheless, you both have to be conscious of what’s happening and then go back to making s*x and intimacy a upriority. The longer you let it go, the harder it will be to get it back.
5. There’s someone else: Yes, I know no one want’s to hear it, but sometimes, YES, there is someone else in the picture satisfying the needs of your mate. This is why I believe that in any relationship you have to communicate early and often with your mate about any of these issues.
We must also learn to identify when a relationship is headed for trouble. That “work spouse” needs to be kept at a distance so that you can tend to your real wife or husband.
These are just a few reasons that your husband might not be as gung-ho about s*x with you as you would like. Men must communicate these things often and women must be open to hearing the truth.